Interesting Times

blindfolds will be furnished free
and smelling salts supplied
do not say you’ve not been warned
or act out all surprised
because these days especially
are not like those of yore
you’ll question your own sanity
as you walk in the door
for modern times are interesting
and like the ancient curse
to live in them can cause us pause
and who knows? they could get worse.



wrap me up in silver foil
and put the heat up high
take my passions to the boil
and put me in a pie
curry me with flavours bold
and sprinkle me with spice
chill me well until i’m cold
and my texture’s nice
mould me into festive shapes
and store me in a pot
serve me with some seedless grapes
and eat me whilst i’m hot.

The Nonsensical Madness of Pub Breakfasts

gin palace breakfast bowl
old fat Henry Tudor roll
watching wooden tulips grow
big red bus to Old Kent Road
chandelier spiderthreads
reminding me of Pier Head
Mr Wimpey dropped down dead
and slipped into the river cold
somewhere in the heart of town
a pair of yellow boots were found
which stomped my nation underground
with it all our future’s sold
and so dear friends my song is done
I’m off to sing another one
before the inspiration’s gone
or if the day grows old.

The Cat and the Banana (a nonsense rhyme)

I hypnotized my cat with a banana
it really wasn’t hard as you would feel
he watched attentively as I procured it
then sat there all amazed during the peel
he doesn’t get this way when I have apples
and peaches leave him feeling laissez-faire
there is something mesmerizing ’bout bananas
that stops him in his tracks and makes him purr.

The Shaving Conundrum

I cannot get the razor in my wrinkles
they’re far too deep to get a blade in there
I remember when these crevices were dimples
but back then I didn’t have the facial hair
I guess I need to buy a pair of tweezers
or Brazilian wax if that does not seem weird
but whatever I decide it needs to be quite soon
as I cannot walk around with wrinkle beards