An old rhyme on a spider

There is a little spider
in my double yoo see
and each morn he grows
quite exponentially
he smiled at me this evening
as I took a pee
then licked his tiny spider lips
rather hungrily
that can be disconcerting
when one is in the loo alone
I hope he doesn’t eat me
as I’m sat upon the throne.

The Poetry Reading

de la Mare, did not care
and Cummings could not come
Auden sent his deep regrets
as did Betjeman.

Housman was a bit put out
by Yeats as absentee
who was with Thomas down the pub
drunk with Bukowski

so of my little soirée
is much best left unsaid
it serves me right I’m sad to say
for inviting just the dead.


there was a little cuckoo
who cucked but couldn’t koo
so went asking all the other birds
just what he could do

the rook lent him a roaring craw
the owl a twit to woo
a goose honked in longing tones
but nobody had the koo

so he left his woodland home
and went to Liverpool
and joined a group of pigeons
who thought his cuck was coooooool

reposted and rehashed

Proverbs 1.1

give a man a fish
and he’ll eat for a day
but give a fish a man
and you’ll likely hear him say
“what’s this pointless thing you’ve given me?”
(in his little fishy voice)
“as I’d rather have a wiggly worm
given half the choice.”
yes to give a fish a man my friends
is really quite absurd
but there are no more wiggly worms
thanks to all the early birds.