nonsense rhyme

Hunt’s Cross Blues

I never stop at Hunt’s Cross
no matter what the train
everytime it flashes by
and we always never twain
I don’t know what’s at Hunt’s Cross
perhaps there’s not a lot
but I’d like to stop at Hunt’s Cross
to see what Hunt’s Cross has got.
Next time I’ll take a taxi
no matter what the fare
and hope the cabbie doesn’t say
“Hunt’s Cross? ….
….why d’ya wanna go there?”

An old rhyme on a spider

There is a little spider
in my double yoo see
and each morn he grows
quite exponentially
he smiled at me this evening
as I took a pee
then licked his tiny spider lips
rather hungrily
that can be disconcerting
when one is in the loo alone
I hope he doesn’t eat me
as I’m sat upon the throne.

Ugly Fish


There’s a really ugly fish in the middle of my pond
his underbite’s atrocious and his fins are far too long
he sits among the weeds all day acting rather coy
and carps on his misfortune and sucks all of the joy
out of all the other fish which spend their time in there
having to put up with him, it really isn’t fair
I think I’ll catch a pelican and set him out to sneak
around my little garden pond sporting
his pointy beak
with luck he’ll feel quite peckish and break the water’s still
and gulp that ugly fish right up in his saggy bill.

THREE UNFINISHED BATHROOM PIECES (HASTILY TAPED TOGETHER IN THE FASHION OF SIDE 2 OF ABBEY ROAD, A LONG PLAYING RECORD BY THE POPULAR LIVERPOOL BEAT COMBO THE BEATLES)

Oh magic mirror on the wall
are you that magic after all?
I ask you questions every day
you never have a thing to say.

I lost time
attempting to recreate
the clockwise
Coriolis effect
in my plughole
I’m sure I witnessed
during my shower
this morning
and settled on
the thoughts
of tailors in
Australia
and inside legs
and has the
world tripped over?

If I had a bag of sherbet dip
big enough to sleep in
I’d want you as my lollipop
if you were up for lickin’
You could be my dib-dab
sweet as sweet could be
all sugared up from tip to toe
a candy treat for me.

Proverbs 1.1

give a man a fish
and he’ll eat for a day
but give a fish a man
and you’ll likely hear him say
“what’s this pointless thing you’ve given me?”
(in his little fishy voice)
“as I’d rather have a wiggly worm
given half the choice.”
yes to give a fish a man my friends
is really quite absurd
but there are no more wiggly worms
thanks to all the early birds.