nonsense

The Boy In Magic Underwear : a one minute nonsense rhyme

They seek him here
they seek him there
the boy in magic underwear
he’ll pull them on
not just for fun
but until his secret mission’s done
in whities tight
he’ll cruise the night
ensuring all the wrong’s made right
then one bright day
we can finally say
his Y-fronts chased our fears away

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Mr Speed’s Wooden Leg

My teacher had a wooden leg
he got it in the war
he kept it in the umbrella stand
on the classroom floor
he won it in a poker game
in nineteen forty four
and used it every now and then
to stop draughts under the door.

the challenge (part one)

Around the world in eighty ways
should keep me busy all my days
to try and think of crossing oceans
using various forms of locomotion

I’ll start I think upon a bike
then perhaps a mountain hike
to find a bobsleigh up a peak
and slide back down into the street

whereupon with little fuss
I jump aboard an omnibus
and at Woodside I’ll find a mule
to ride the ferry to Liverpool

there procure passage on a ship
up the gangplank I will skip
and hold court at the captain’s table
on roller skates if I am able

the cold Atlantic winds I’d brave
off to the new world on the waves
pondering in my easy chair
just what I’ll do when I get there

The Ugly Fish

There’s a really ugly fish in the middle of my pond
his underbite’s atrocious and his fins are far too long
he sits among the weeds all day acting rather coy
and carps on his misfortune and sucks all of the joy
out of all the other fish which spend their time in there
having to put up with him, it really isn’t fair
I think I’ll catch a pelican and set him out to sneak
around my little garden pond sporting
his pointy beak
with luck he’ll feel quite peckish and break the water’s still
and gulp that ugly fish right up into his saggy bill.

The Mersey Tunnel Monster

We walked down deep on the Dock Road spur
we’d heard a monster lived down there
that ate up children who took no care
along the tunnel’s Dock Road spur.

among the glass and broken road
into the dark we boldly strode
bound by a youthful honour code
to which we all to all had owed

and after but a little while
possibly about a mile
we thought we spied a toothy smile
perhaps a giant crocodile?

so we ran for all our might
from such a terrifying sight
that promised us an awful plight
in the tunnel dark as night

but when I think back from afar
and all the fears on my radar
in the years twixt now and yar
perhaps it was a motor car?