Month: June 2016

One Minute Rhyme Mark XI

The day I saw Jesus on Sunset
he looked just like Sid James
he didn’t have a beard
or a handfull of nails
but I’m sure it was him
all the same.
He laughed out loud like a preacher
after drawing the devil out
from a dwarf
with a strange pecadillo
relating to some
brussels sprouts.

One Minute Rhyme Mark X

Drink orange squeeze
Between your knees
and rinse the bottle clean
but be sure to take
the bottle back
to feel all nice and green.
Still a tree falls in the forest
and doesn’t make a sound
just lies there all forlornly
upon the mossy ground
a suicidal redwood
with no hope or cause
breathed in its last
as we breathed out
and lay dead in the gorse.

Roland The Statue

a little east of west
there stands a statue
painted all in green and gold
and his head’s a little big
upon his body
and his codpiece
has suffered
from the cold
below the market square
he looks unhappy
standing up above
the shopping throng
he stares out across the river
and he wonders
if he’s put up with his lot
for far too long.
One day he thinks
he’ll jump down from his podest
and hide himself
all massive head and hat
among the common folk
that wander past him,
he really rather likes
the thought of that.


Ten little monkeys
drinking barley wine
one staggered onto train tracks
and then there were nine
Nine little monkeys
in a gun control debate
one lost his head a bit
and then there were eight
Eight little monkeys
eating scones in Devon
one choked on a raisin
and then there were seven
Seven little monkeys
on the hunt for sixties chicks
One copped off with Twiggy
and then there were six
Six little monkeys
going for a drive
One picked up a dodgy hitchhiker
and then there were five
Five little monkeys
swinging on a door
one got his little fingers trapped
and then there were four
Four little monkeys
went together for a pee
one had a zipper accident
and then there were three
Three little monkeys
flinging round their poo
one had some tummy trouble
and then there were two
Two little monkeys
playing the long con
they screwed each other over
and then there was one
One little monkey
sitting in a tree
tapping out this little rhyme
as that last monkey is me.