Month: December 2015


This page was filled
three times before
with half hatched ideas
which may with time
get their chance
out in the world
but not today

“The Poetry Society’s Christmas Lunch Menu”
for example
stuttered after
sliced parrots
and it’s second course
after the Hollandaise horse
curdled in my brain pan.

“Oh To Be A Fairy Light”
Sparked on at first
though dimmed
and blew
once the double entendres
that decorated it
threatened to fuse
and burn the tree
to the ground.

The third I thought
showed promise
a limerick entitled
“There was a young lady from Wick”
but she was actually a lady
and refused
to even consider it.

So stuck with a page
blank and haunting
taunting my grasp
of those last gasp
final puzzle pieces,
I decided
(for my sake more
than yours, dear reader)
if of course you ventured this far
to go more for process
than the finished article
and leave the rest up to you

Instructions available on request.

The Seasonal Adventures of Mumbles Fumblepants

Stumbling Mumbles Fumblepants
a gnome of some renown
went out for a walk one day
in the fancy part of town.

His goal was finding Christmas gifts
for his neighbour, Big Feet Paul
“but what” he thunked “does one get..
for the gnome who has it all?”

He test rode faery motorbikes
considered eggs of gold
but said no to magic pumpkins
and the strippergramming troll

He looked at elfin diamonds
and artisanal goblin rocks
but in the end he just gave up
and bought Paul some new socks